The Elson Reader, Book Four, is, in fact, a reader. That is, it's a reading textbook. The one that I have, though, is old, falling apart, was published in 1920 and has the spindly cursive handwriting of Vida Lorene Hexamer scribbled throughout it. I have no idea who this Vida is- no one I know or am related to is named Vida- but it adds to the book's charm.
Charm? Well, there's not really that much charm. Like I said, this is a reading textbook- how charming could it be? It's divided into all the little stories that a "book four" reader can handle, subjects ranging from Alice in Wonderland to the adventures of Benjamin Franklin... followed immediately by all those thought-provoking questions that all schoolchildren hate to answer for homework: Why do you think Alice acted the way she did? Why does the Cheshire Cat always grin? Where do you think the Hatter got the tea? Be sure to answer in complete sentences.
Oh! Complete sentences! How I hated those! Because for some reason, teachers failed to understand what a complete sentence was. The question, "Do you think Alice was wise to blah, blah, blah..." was supposed to be answered with the complete sentence, "I do think Alice was wise." Or some other such lengthy thing- it was only a "complete sentence" if you totally repeated the entire question in your answer. Hey! Teachers! Guess what? If my answer is, "I do.", then THAT is a complete sentence! Look at it! Subject! Verb! SENTENCE!! WHERE is my diploma, and WHY did I have to wait until I was 18 for it? Fools, fools, let me out of this narrow-minded institution!
But I believe I digress. At any rate, there's not much to tell about this book, but I read it- all 350 pages of it- yes, there's a glossary- because I simply love reading these little books. I'm weird. I have a huge stack of old reading textbooks back at my parents' house (yes, in the bathroom cupboard)- some of them I used in school, some I didn't, and they're from all generations of readers. I love those little stories. Sometimes they're excerpts from books and I liked the story so much I went out and read the book. I ignore the poems. I always ignore the poems. I'll read the glossary before I read the poems. Know why? I hate poetry. I love lyrics, but hate poetry. You know why?
Twenty seconds pass
time of poetry
is now
...!COMPLETE
And look, I just wrote a poem. Seriously. Twenty seconds and I'm ready for publication. What is the point? There's no art in that! Dude, just say it, you're lonely, she doesn't love you, the pond is beautiful, your lover is dying, who cares, just spit it out! Honestly, Will! "Of all the @*#^% families, you have to be a MONTAGUE?!" Wouldn't that have been just as effective as Juliet's original painful soliloquy? In fact, weren't you the one who said, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet?" So, really, poems by any other meter would speak the same. SO USE SENTENCES!!
Whoops, again, I digress. Suffice it to say, I love reading these little short stories and I think old readers are totally fun. And besides, who needs a novel in the bathroom? Those little stories are just the right length.
Oh, and don't act like you don't read in the bathroom. If you aren't going to admit it, you're far, far too sophisticated to be reading this blog. :)
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