Last weeks in (non) review

Okay, who are we kidding? I’ve got a list of books stockpiled that I haven’t given my little book report on, and I think we all know there’s no way that I’m going to be able to write pages upon pages about each of them, not to mention that nobody really cares what I think of them anyway! This blog is more for me to rant just for the sake of hearing myself rant, right? Right. And so since I see that I have logged over 52 entries this year, that means I have accomplished my one book per week minimum quota. I know I read more than that because some of those entries were for multiple books, so let’s face it, we’ve confirmed: I’m a speed-reading genius. HA! Speed-skimming book whore is more like it, but hey… a spade by any other name is still a speed-reading book whore. I like myself. I can live with it!

So here is a list of books that I have recently devoured that I am not going to bother blogging in detail about. I’m saving four or five that I found something interesting to talk about, so perhaps we’ll see those entries in the new year. But for now, here’s what I’ve been spending my literary time on:

Bud, Not Buddy- a Newbery winner, very well-written and with major historically accurate gems hidden in the subtext

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory- not a Newbery winner, still well-written, and with major scientifically accurate gems hidden in the subtext

Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator- not even a winner, not really well-written, and with absolutely no historically, scientifically, or even interestingly accurate gems hidden in the subtext. In fact, nothing hidden in the subtext at all… just one stupid pun after another. Whew, that one is always hard to make it through.

Your Heart Belongs to Me- interesting, but not interesting enough for me to completely buy into it. More on this particular author later. Much, much more. Patience, grasshopper.

1776- Ridiculously interesting. However, also ridiculously annoying. I realize that 1776 was a pivotal year in the Revolutionary War, but would it have killed you to actually TELL US HOW IT ENDED? I mean, I know we're not all pausing every afternoon for tea and crumpets. If we don't know how the darn thing ended we're idiots. But still, just because it happened to be December 31 doesn't mean the action stopped. 1777 was sort of important, too... just a thought. Oh, and this author could not have a more monotonous, boring, painfully dry voice. Sheesh. (This was a book on CD.)

Thirteen Moons- I… can’t… even… talk… about… this… one…

Some William Faulkner collection of short stories. Now I know what Flowers for Emily was all about, and can I just say… disturbing?

And that’s my end of year I’m-too-lazy-to-write-about-them list. Aren’t you glad you stopped by? Now I give you fair warning, the next few weeks are going to be ridiculously full of reading but ridiculously short on blogging because I will be busy attempting to detach my face from my new Kindle! (This is what happens when you’re married to a geek- in order to appreciate literature you must appreciate it through some gadget, thus enabling us to have conversations about the UI rather than the subtext. Ah, whatever brings us closer together…)

The Tale of Hawthorne House

This book is seriously cute. It’s part of a series from Susan Wittig Albert, who writes mystery novels for women. I’m not sure what those particular novels entail, as I’ve never read one. I’m very anal when it comes to series (this is all-inclusive to all forms of media and entertainment) and I have this inability to read or watch anything that belongs to a series out of order. And since the very first ever China Bayles mystery has never been in the library when I was there, I’ve never read any of them. But we can talk about my ridiculous anal tendencies later, how about.

This series, The Cottage Tales of Beatrix Potter, is fairly new so I snatch them off those freebie shelves every time I see a new one. It combines mystery and historical fiction. It’s about Beatrix Potter when she was unmarried and writing all of her “little books.” (If you don’t know who Beatrix Potter is, I recommend you stop reading now. The remainder of what I have to say will be completely useless to you.) Beatrix has bought a farm in the English countryside and loves her independent life, the villagers, and the animals that surround her. Every once in a while a handy little mystery arrives in the village for “that Potter woman” to solve.

The reason these books are so fun is that they are written in the style that Beatrix Potter wrote her own books, just with more pages and thicker plot lines. There’s two major ways the author does this: first, she continues to refer back to the reader with secret little winks and nods, making us a co-conspirator in the whole thing. We are nearly omniscient because we see the whole mysterious incident occur from the beginning. To be kind, she saves a teeny little plot twist for the very end just to surprise us. It’s always completely out of the blue, which is nice for those of us who don’t like mysteries because we always figure them out by the end.

The other (and most awesome) way Albert mimics Potter is by including the animals in on the fun. The animals in the village are (of course) the only ones who really know what’s going on, and we listen to their conversations with each other. There’s almost always a secondary mystery going on that is only about the animals, and is most often an elaboration on one of Beatrix’s stories, as in, the “true” story of Jemima Puddle-duck. It’s hilarious, hokey, and adorable.

Reading these books is like watching one of those PG Disney movies. You know what I’m talking about- the kind that stars Tim Allen or John Travolta, doesn’t necessarily have that interesting of a plot, but the few one-liners and funny situations make it enjoyable enough to watch. That’s what I call these Cottage Tales- they are an interesting and funny way to entertain yourself for a while. When you’re done, you’re very glad you’ve spend your time on them. They are, however, much more brainy than those lame Disney movies. The author captured Potter’s literary nuances perfectly and really did her research into her life. Many of the characters are real people who interacted with Beatrix in her younger days, whose attitudes and influences are taken directly from her journals. All in all, totally enjoyable. So next time your family is watching the annoying Disney flick where Danny DeVito gets attacked by porcupines, if you want to feel intellectually superior just read through this book instead. You’ll probably enjoy it.